You may just need more time for the results of your efforts to start manifesting. So, when is persistence worth it and when should you just go home and eat ice cream? You first need to identify whether you are experiencing temporary setbacks or if there is a fatal flaw in your goal.
Read MoreDo you want your staff to work harder? To be more creative? To like you more? Try this super simple and immensely effective management tool. Each day, for the next two weeks, look for two actions or qualities to acknowledge and appreciate about your staff. Is the receptionist extremely polite and helpful to clients? Did John write a particularly good brief last week? Tell them so. This will create a palpable difference in the work environment, and ultimately, in staff performance. The importance of positive feedback is even reinforced by recent neurological research. Studies have shown that for people to learn and grow, the optimal amount of positive versus negative feedback is five to one. Imagine how pleasant and productive work would be if people actually followed that ratio!
Recently, I was walking by a wedding “center” with a friend and we saw big crowds of people outside. She suggested that we go in, watch a wedding and see if we can get some candy. This seemed odd to me, but I’m generally up for anything, so in we went. It turns out that this is the Turkish equivalent to getting married at a courthouse, except that couple brings along three or four hundred friends and family, and the whole thing is even less romantic. A loudspeaker announced the couples’ names and told everyone to file into the auditorium. It also said that once you have “celebrated” with the couple that you should leave as soon as possible to make room for others.
Read MoreWhy don’t most people’s New Year’s resolutions lead to lasting change? The underlying message in most of our New Year’s resolutions is that there is something wrong and we better fix it or else…. We are bombarded with the message that we should be better – not just that we could be happier or more effective if we chose to make a change – but that we must be better or else we are inferior, inadequate, and bad. How much time and energy do you spend fighting yourself and/or the universe?
Read MoreMost Turks believe that cool air will make them sick. In many cases, what they call “cold air” most American’s would call “fresh air.” Dangerous activities include sitting in front of a fan, regardless of how hot the weather is; opening a window to allow a breeze to enter when exercising;
Read MoreTurks are very proud of their cuisine. Now I like Turkish food. I really do. I eat it almost every day, but the degree of passion Turks have for Turkish food truly confuses me. If a Turk suggests that we have a Turkish meal, it means we will either go for
Read MoreOne of the first things I noticed about Istanbul was that it felt surprisingly safe. As a tourist, I felt fine walking back to my hotel at 2:00 in the morning. There were always people on the street and though it was often groups of men, somehow it didn’t feel threatening. Some might be leering but others had a more protective demeanor. If groups of men are hanging out on the street in America I would think they are up to no good, but here its generally groups of taxi drivers waiting for business or men sitting around drinking tea.
Read MoreThe following are ten steps to create an effective plan. Whether you are trying to lose weight, write that novel, or increase revenue, one simple way to help yourself achieve the intention quickly is to write out a project plan. The following are ten steps to create an effective plan.
Read MoreA number of years ago I was horribly ill all by myself in a national park in China, where I didn’t see a single other foreigner for three days and couldn’t communicate with anyone. NOT fun! Am I the only one who gets myself into this sort of mess? I was taking to a friend recently who did not enjoy his vacation and was feeling like the only person in the world who doesn’t have fabulous holidays. Just as most human beings live under the illusion that everyone else is more emotionally secure, well-organized and has a better love life, similarly we tend to assume that others also have better vacations.
Read MoreWhen I was in high school, one of my friends was Muslim, and she explained to me that Muslims fast for an entire month during Ramadan. I flat out did not believe her. No food or water for a month sounded to me like a really good way to kill off your followers. Of course, I finally learned that the fasting only lasts while the sun is up, and at night there are feasts and lots of socializing. This leads to the funny phenomenon that most people, I am told, actually gain weight during their month of fasting!
Read MoreAmerican friends often comment, “You must really stand out in Istanbul.” Actually, I don’t. When I came here as a tourist, everyone spoke to me in English and I assumed that it was obvious from my appearance that I am foreign. Once I started living here and knew my way around, that changed. As long as I don’t do anything too blatantly foreign, like carry a backpack, wear sandals or walk around with wet hair, people assume that I am a local. Turks approach me all the time and ask me for directions, try to hand me political pamphlets or make off-handed comments about the rude person in front of us in line. It turns out that I look Turkish, or at least can pass as Turkish.
Read MoreAlthough Turkey is a Muslim country, the national drink is alcoholic. It's called raki and is licorice-flavored. From what I have seen, pretty much everyone here drinks alcohol. This may not be true in the countryside or in the more religious areas of cities, but at least in Istanbul there does not appear to be any sort of stigma against it. In fact, one friend of mine worked at a university which was so committed to being secular that at staff parties the dean would walk around checking people's glasses to ensure that everyone was drinking alcohol.
Read MoreI have been getting messages from people concerned about my safety, given the protests and violence in Egypt, Tunisia, etc. So this seems like a good time to explain why Turkey is different. Turkish democracy is not perfect but it is a real democracy - unlike those other places which have been living under dictatorships. Conservatives are in power, which does cause concern among liberals within Turkey and observers from outside the country. (Arguably, this is not so different from the Bush years in the U.S.)
Read MoreLast year on New Years I sat down with a few friends, a stack of magazines, glue sticks and a big piece of cardboard and created a vision of what I wanted in my life for 2010. The interesting thing about vision boards is that they provide access to beliefs, ideas, or desires that you may not otherwise be aware of. Last year at this time, I was completely focused on my coaching practice in the U.S. It had not occurred to me to me that I might soon be living abroad. Yet this was the vision board I created:
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On Christmas Eve, I was amused to see a Santa Claus speaking Turkish. But then I learned that St Nick was born in Turkey. Who knew? Also, apparently most Turks don’t know the difference between Christmas and New Years. (Of course, people who are well-educated or have traveled a lot will know, but the average person does not.) If you tell a friend that you can’t go out because its Christmas Eve, he may look confused and respond that New Years isn’t for another week. Contributing additional complexity is the fact that most Christians in Turkey are either Armenian or Eastern Orthodox and thus celebrate Christmas on the 6th and 7th, respectively. At first I was surprised at how many places I have seen Christmas trees, but here they are considered New Years trees. People also exchange gifts on New Years. A traditional gift is red underwear, for luck in one’s love life for the following year. |
Greetings from Istanbul! Some of you may be wondering why you haven’t heard from me in a while. The quick summary is that my father died in January, I became depressed, and decided to shake myself out of it by moving to Turkey. So, I have been busy getting settled, trying to learn Turkish, and developing business here. YES, I AM STILL COACHING CLIENTS IN THE U.S. I do most of my work by phone, and my phone numbers haven’t changed. Don’t hesitate to call. (Turkey is seven hours ahead of Eastern time, ten hours ahead of Pacific time. Call anytime, though. I work odd hours and turn off my phone at night.)
Read MoreThe ABA (American Bar Association) Journal picked up the story about me from the Washington Post. This is my response to some of the reader comments. One of the reasons I am passionate about coaching attorneys is that it seems a shame to have so many well-educated, brilliant, hard-working people putting all their energy into jobs that don’t inspire them. Recently, a client said to me “I know you think happiness is important, but I just don’t have time for that right now.” At times, I have felt that way too. It’s natural.
Read MoreI haven’t written anything for a while because my father passed away. As a society, we don’t talk about death very much and I didn’t have a clue how to deal with it. I even googled “grieving for a parent” at one point. Now, I have some observations about death and grieving that I thought some might find useful either personally or when supporting others going through the process. Periodically we see in the news a situation where someone is in a coma and relatives are fighting over whether or not to remove life support.
Read MoreI wrote this up for a workshop I led on Transforming Negative Career Experiences, and I thought others might be interested as well.
1) Say something positive about the boss, job, company, etc.
Read More• I have a lot of respect for my former boss. She is very hard working, and incredibly knowledgeable. But we just weren’t a good fit and I realized that I could be a greater contribution somewhere else.
“How do the world’s greatest managers find, focus and keep talented employees?” The Gallup Organization interviewed managers and leaders in large and small organizations to discover what the top ten percent had in common. They learned that the best supervisors tend to take an unconventional approach to overseeing staff. For example, these managers do not advocate treating everyone identically. They pay attention to the differences in style, temperament and motivation of each person and adjust their techniques accordingly. They also spend the majority of their time and energy on the most productive rather than the least effective employees. When great managers identify weaknesses in their star staff members, they find creative ways to work around those flaws rather than waste time and energy trying to fix intractable character traits. Regardless of how much experience or success you have supervising others, this book will provide new perspectives and insight. Plus, it’s a fun read.
Generating Courage: A Key Component to Business Development, Law Practice Today, April 14, 2015
Asking for Business from a Distance, National Law Review, April 13, 2016
The Most Underutilized Tool in a Leaders’ Tool Box
Law Practice Today,
December 15, 2015
Missing a Strategy for Your ADR Practice? Here Are Some Tips
ABA Dispute Resolution Section's
Just Resolutions magazine, November 2015
The Good, the Bad, and the Non-Billable: The Reality of Coaching Lawyers
Published in the Library of Professional Coaching,
April 2015
41% Fail. Simple Steps to Thrive as a Lateral Attorney
(March 28, 2018)
Thinking About Your Career This Summer? Optimists Should Read This.
(July 13, 2017)
A Better Way to Network
(September 27, 2016)
How to be Direct AND Improve Relationships
(March 5, 2015)
Don’t Make These Mistakes – Almost Everyone Does
(September 8, 2014)
No Lose Decisions: A Model for Reducing Decision-Making Fears
(May 1, 2015)
The 20/200 Rule: A Way to Increase Productivity
(February 2, 2015)
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