Changing Your Self-Talk: What Would Superman Do?

Has that post-New Years malaise set in yet?  You know, I'm referring to that time period when the initial energy has worn off and that resolution starts to feel more burdensome than inspiring.  Rather than just getting resigned or angry with yourself, do what a superhero would do.  Look for an antidote.  Like so many things, the antidote for the New Year’s blahs is simple but not always easy.  The key is to focus on revising how you think about yourself rather than focusing on changing behavior.  Human beings resist change.  When you think “I am a lazy person who never exercises, but I will try to change” it is like you just put a huge mountain in front of yourself.  You are reinforcing the idea of yourself as lazy and yet fighting it at the same time.  We have all done this at one time or another; it is exhausting and generally ineffective. Since our self-concept determines our actions, if you want to alter a behavior the best approach is to shift your vision of yourself.  For example, if you have been trying to delegate more effectively, practice thinking about yourself as a person who is already good at this. You may be saying, “but I can’t lie to myself.” If I tell myself that I am good at something when I am not, that is self-delusion. True. It is important to be clear about the facts, about what you have and have not been doing.  However, words like "bad," “lazy” or “a lot” are not facts. They are interpretations, and there are always multiple interpretations of any situation.

If you are holding a negative belief about yourself, for example, “I am disorganized,” how can you tell if that belief is a fact or just one interpretation?  This is the test I recommend.  Ask yourself if there is anyone in the world who might disagree with the statement?  This includes your mother and your best friend.  If any reasonably sane person might disagree with the statement then it is not a fact, and as such it is possible to create a new, more helpful, interpretation, i.e. "I am already well-organized and efficient." Look for at least three pieces of evidence to support this statement.  For example, maybe you can always find documents in your computer files, or maybe you have a good paper filing system, or perhaps you manage your calendar well.  Now put aside all the “buts,” “but I lost my keys last week,” “but my desk is messy,” etc. There will always be arguments on the other side. This is a matter of making a deliberate choice about how to see yourself.  People usually live up to the expectations of others, but they always live up to their beliefs about themselves.  Once you do the mental work, the rest follows easily. Kryptonite may look cooler on screen, but I promise you this antidote really works.

As with many aspects of self-development, this may be easier said than done.  If you would like support with this process, give me a call.  I do sample sessions by phone and would be happy to help you sort this out.