Relentless Positivity: Friend or Foe?

Have you noticed that some “positive” people seem smarmy, condescending and basically you just want to punch them? Meanwhile, others are magnetic and just being around them makes you feel more joyful, connected and alive. Small children are almost always in this category. This article is my two cents on relentlessly positive attitudes and what people don’t tell you about the law of attraction. I often meet people who say things like, “it’s important to always be positive because then you attract good things into your life.” This worries me. I get the value of being positive AND there is something insidious about the “always.” The problem is that human beings are emotional creatures and feelings are not always positive, often not even logical. Sometimes I REALLY wish we could simply turn off our emotions. Life would be so much simpler and there would only be a tenth as much war, family conflict, etc. But actually there is a lot to be said for passion, love, and the energy and enthusiasm they produce. It’s a bummer, but we simply can’t experience positive emotions without the negative ones.

There are two ways to generate a positive attitude, one is to repress any negative energy. You have seen people like this. The smile is pasted on their faces and they attempt to exclude completely any negative thoughts, negative people, etc. from their lives. I have heard this described as icing on a mud pie. It may look good from the outside, and parts may even taste good, but there is something simply deceptive, unhealthy and even slightly repulsive about it.

The second approach is to process the emotions when they arise. Since negative emotions are often either caused or perpetuated by unhelpful interpretations and intellectual constructs, it's important to address those as well. (There are many ways to do this, coaching is just one of them.) HOW to do this is rather too complex to address in a newsletter, but one of the key points here is to actually let yourself feel the emotions. Emotions don’t last as long if you actually allow yourself to feel them rather than just ignore or push them away. The road to authentic positivity is arguably more work, but also a MUCH more powerful and enjoyable place to come from.

The law of attraction is the idea that holding positive (or negative) beliefs actually brings those things into physical reality. Even putting aside energetic or spiritual beliefs, this certainly has some validity. (After all, believing in a positive future is a lot more motivating than the alternative.) However, if a person’s “positive” attitude is actually masking a deep dark swamp of unexamined ideas, insecurities and emotions he will create a very mixed, inauthentic reality. Pasting on a fake smile may be necessary now and then, but if you really want to attract great people, experiences, and goods into your life, the key is to access the positive side of yourself but in an authentic way.

If you want to learn more about how to access the AUTHENTICALLY POSITIVE side of yourself just send me an email and I would be happy to talk with you.